


Business Trip

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [27]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-20 00:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7384192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>little lion: ITS. THE. SAME. FUCKING. FIELD. OVER. AND. OVER. AGAIN. </p><p>johnn: go back so sleep alexander</p><p>little lion: THERES NO ESCAPE</p>
            </blockquote>





	Business Trip

**little lion** : FUCK US THE FUCK UP  
  
**johnn** : WHAT  
  
**laf** : I WANT TO DIE  
  
**more like** **HUNKules** : WHAT HAPPENED  
  
**little lion** : ME AND LAF HAVE TO FUCKGIN DRIVE TO HARRISBURG PENSYLVANIA FOR FOUR DAYS AND MEET WITH PEOPLE ABT MONEY AND SHIT  
  
**johnn** : WHY SPECIFICALLY YOU TWO  
  
**little lion** : BC IM MONEY  
  
**laf** : AND IM 63.9% OF HIS IMPULSE CONTROL  
  
**johnn** : HOW MUCH AM I  
  
**laf** : YOU ARE .2% OF HIS IMPULSE CONTROL  
  
**laf** : HERCULES IS 35.9%  
  
**more like** **HUNKules** : I??  
  
**little lion** : I'm bitter about this  
  
**laf** : you're bitter about everything  
  
**little lion** : you got me there  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : WE LEAVE IN THREE DAYS BTW  
  
**johnn** : WHAT  
  
**laf** : IT WAS V SHORT NOTICE BC WHOEVER ELSE WAS GONNA GO ISNT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WE SHOULD GO ON A LUNCH DATE  
  
**johnn** : CONSIDERING YOU'LL BE G O N E FOR FOUR DAYS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we're gonna die john  
  
**johnn** : I NOTICEDDKDHLKDSFH  
  
**more like HUNKules** : FUCK  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : we're leaving!!  
  
**little lion** : I feel bad leaving before they wake up  
  
**laf** : we have to tho  
  
**little lion** : I know  
  
**laf** : okay so anyway  
  
**laf** : we're leaving!!!  
  
**little lion** : byE  
  
**laf** : we love you  
  
**little lion** : !!!  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : that's so rude how dare  
  
**johnn** : why did you have to leave so early  
  
**laf** : bc we have to drive there and it takes like 4 hours  
  
**johnn** : don't try and tell me that I know you and alex don't have any meetings until tomorrow  
  
**laf** : we doNT but I would never MAKE IT if we left after work  
  
**johnn** : not AFTER work but like after we woke up so we could like kiss you goodbye and shit  
  
**laf** : :^(((( sorry  
  
**johnn** : I barely kissed either of you yesterday and now I don't get to for foUR DAYS  
  
**little lion** : soRRY LOVE  
  
**johnn** : aRENT YOU DRIVING  
  
**little lion** : we're getting breakfast now  
  
**little lion** : IN PENSYLVANIA  
  
**johnn** : the fact that you left early enough for it to still be breakfast by the time you get there is exactly my point  
  
**more like HUNKules** : pennsylvania has three n's in it alex  
  
**little lion** : not in the constitution it doesn't  
  
**more like HUNKules** : IT DOES IN EVERYTHING ELSE  
  
**little lion** : liberty bell  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh my GOD  
  
**laf** : SHSHHSHSHHHHSHSHSHSH WE'RE BEING SEATED IN PERKINS  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : did you see those cheesecakes in the bakery case thing  
  
**laf** : FUCK yes  
  
**little lion** : we should buy one and then talk about our problems while we eat it at 2 in the morning like on the golden girls  
  
**laf** : what problems do we have tho  
  
**little lion** : surrogate!! or!! adoption!!  
  
**laf** : FUCK  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : PERKINS IS SO FUCKIGN GOOD FUCK  
  
**johnn** : we've been to perkins here before  
  
**little lion** : WE HAVENT BEEN TO PERKINS IN LIKE TWO YEARS  
  
**little lion** : THIS IS LIKE LITERAL SEX  
  
**laf** : it isn't he's just dramatic  
  
**little lion** : I am the LEAST dRAMATIC PERSON THAT HAS EVER LIVED WHAT THE FUCK  
  
**laf** : see  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : update  
  
**little lion** : laf is driving and we are lost  
  
**more like HUNKules** : how is that  
  
**little lion** : we're never getting out of here  
  
**little lion** : there's so many fucking fields that aLL LOOK THE SAME  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh my god  
  
**little lion** : IM FACETIMING YOU THIS IM FUCKIGN CRYING  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh my god  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : HERCULES WHAT'S HAPPENING  
  
**more like HUNKules** : IM FUCKIGN WHEEZING OKAY SO  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ITS ALEX WHISPERING "what the fuck" SND "that's the same fucking field" OVER ANF OVER AGAIN AND THEN HE'LL LIKE GO TO LAFAYETTE AND THEYRE JUST SWEATING IN THE FRONT SEAT LOOKING LIKE THEYRE ABOUT TO RIP THE STEERING WHEEL OUT OF THE CAR WHILE THE GPS SAYS "RECALCULATING" REPEATEDLY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ALEX JUST TOLD THE GPS TO GO FUCK ITSELF IM VRYGI  
  
**little lion** : JOHN IM GONAN FACETIME YOU ON LAFAYETTES PHONE EGT READY  
  
**johnn** : I NEVER WILL BE  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : IM CRYING SO HARD  
  
**more like HUNKules** : "WE'RE STOPPING IN THIS PLACE WHICH IS PROBABLY ANOTHER FUCKING DUMB ASS FIELD TO ASK THE FORBIDDEN FIELD GOD WHERE THE FUCK TO GO SO LIKE TALK TO YOU LATER I LOVE YOU B Y E"  
  
**johnn** : IM CRYING SO HARD  
  
**little lion** : THERE ARE PEOPLE FIRING GUNS HERE  
  
**little lion** : A LOT OF GUNS  
  
**little lion** : HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK  
  
**laf** : WE JUST GOT OUT OF THE CAR TO GO TO THIS BUILDING  
  
**laf** : THERES A TRUCK WITH A TRUMP SIGN ON IT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : N O  
  
**johnn** : FUCK  
  
**laf** : THERES SO MANY FUCKING GUNS FIRING  
  
**little lion** : WE'RE AT A GUN CLUB?????  
  
**johnn** : THEY HAVE THOSE IN SOUTH CAROLINA  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHAT THE FUCK  
  
**little lion** : THERE ARE GIRLS YELLING  
  
**little lion** : LAF JUST WENT IN THE BUILDING AND LEFT ME HERE SO IM JUST GONNA WATCH THIS HAPPEN  
  
**johnn** : IM SO??  
  
**little lion** : DEAD LSOT  
  
**little lion** : WHATS THAT MEAN  
  
**johnn** : WHAT  
  
**little lion** : A GIRL JUST YELLED IT  
  
**johnn** : IDK IDK  
  
**little lion** : EVERYONE HERE LOOKS TOO SERIOUS FOR THEIR OWN GOOD  
  
**laf** : WE'RE STILL ONE FUKCING HOUR AWAY FROM HARRISBURG I HATE THIS  
  
**little lion** : ONE MORE HOUR OF STARING AT FIELDS AND LISTENING TO FRENCH MUSIC THAT LAFAYETTE LIKES BC THEY WONT LET ME PUT ON ANYTHING ELSE  
  
**johnn** : ITS NOT LIKE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THE LYRICS  
  
**little lion** : I KNOW BUT LIKE WE COULD BE LISTENING TO BEYONCE OR SOMETHING BUT THEY CHOOSE THIS??  
  
**johnn** : true  
  
**little lion** : OH ALSO IM IN LIKE NOT CUTE CLOTHES RN AND EVERYONE IS STARING AT ME  
  
**little lion** : A GUY JUST CAME OVER A SPEAKER AND TOLD MORE SHOOTERS TO GO ON THE LINE  
  
**little lion** : EVERYONE IS SITTING AROUNF  
  
**little lion** : IM GONNA ASK THIS KID WHAT THIS IS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ALEX DONT DO THIS  
  
**little lion** : OKAY SO ITS THE SECOND BIGGEST GUN CLUB IN THE COUNTRY AND I AM AFRAID  
  
**little lion** : THIS KID IS FLIRTING WITH ME  
  
**little lion** : HE IS 22  
  
**johnn** : you're literally 26 why are you calling him a kid  
  
**little lion** : I'm like 57 on the inside  
  
**little lion** : "how old are you?"  
"I'm 26"  
"oh well I'm 22 and if you were one year younger,,," *whistling* ",,,if that was okay with you of course"  
"I actually have a boyfriend,,,well,,two boyfriends,,,and one significant other,,,but if that wasn't the case yeah sure I'd be down"  
"what do you mean one significant other"  
*walks away*  
  
**johnn** : OH MY GOD YOU LITERALLY CANT  
  
**johnn** : DONT DO IT  
  
**johnn** : PENNSYLVANIA ISNT GOOD MAN  
  
**little lion** : WELL I MEAN THIS GUY WAS FLIRTING WITH ME SO LIKE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I T O L D YOU EVERYONE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU  
  
**more like HUNKules:** also who makes their age cut off three years older when they look like alex tf I'd be ON THAT  
  
**little lion** : LITERALLY HERCULES IM HIDING IN THE CAR RN YOU CANT HAVE THIS ARGUMRNT WITH ME  
  
**laf** : IM COMING OKAY OKAY THIS WOMAN GAVE ME DIRECTIONS THAT I DONT UNDERSTAND BUT FUCKIGN ITS FINE WE CAN JUST TURN THE GPS BACK ON  
  
**little lion** : FUCK HER HONESTLY  
  
**laf** : THE WOMAN WAS V NICE  
  
**little lion** : I AM TALING ABOUT THE GPS  
  
**laf** : OH YEAH SHE'S A MESS  
  
**johnn** : oh my god  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : WE'RE HERE WE'RE HERE WE'RE HERE  
  
**little lion** : WE'RE GETTING OLIVE GARDEN IM CRYING SO HARD WE'RE FINALLY HERE  
  
**laf** : IM SOBIBNGFVKLFDN  
  
**johnn** : tf you're going on dates without us  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm offended  
  
**laf** : we can go on a date when we get back  
  
**johnn** : !!yay!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : tbt to that one time when we went to olive garden for john's birthday and laf was wearing a  garter belt  
  
**little lion** : is that the only thing you remember from that  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I was really really aroused during that dinner it's all just kind of one very suffocating blur  
  
**johnn** : same  
  
**laf** : same  
  
**johnn** : I also remember laf yelling at alex for yelling at them for wearing a garter belt  
  
**laf** : !!HE HAD NO ROOM TO TALK!!  
  
**little lion** : speaking of that garter belt that I wore to that rudy tuesday,,,  
  
**little lion** : I still have it  
  
**laf** : yoU HAVE NEVER WORN IT  
  
**little lion** : I know what we're doing when we're getting back then  
  
**more like HUNKules** : fuCK it's only noon you can't do this to me  
  
**little lion** : >:^)))))))  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : this is boring without you two  
  
**little lion** : I AM MORE THAN ENTERTAINING  
  
**laf** : you just spent the last five minutes talking about money financing strategies  
  
**little lion** : yeah okay true  
  
**johnn** : where are you  
  
**laf** : the hotel we're staying at  
  
**little lion** : LAFAYETTE  
  
**laf** : WHAT  
  
**little lion** : THERE'S A HUGE AS FUCKIN BATHTUB IN HERE  
  
**laf** : REALLY  
  
**little lion** : ITS GOT JETS  
  
**laf** : IM COMING IN BYE JOHN AND HERC LOVE YOU  
  
**johnn** : RUDE  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : taking baths really is fun  
  
**little lion** : RIGHT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I personally think it's unfair that the person who knew about alex's bath obsession for the shortest amount of time gets to have the most baths with him  
  
**johnn** : SAME HUNTY  
  
**laf** : don't hate me cause you ain't me  
  
**little lion** : this is why we need a big bathtub in our new house  
  
**little lion** : y'all don't have to start getting petty  
  
**johnn** : we'rE NOT PETTY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we're sUper petty  
  
**johnn** : I was trying to defend our honor but you just fucking took a sledgehammer to it  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we have nothing left  
  
**laf** : you have us  
  
**more like HUNKules** : NOT NOW WE DONT BC YOU TWO ARE IN HARRISBURG FUCKING AROUND IN A BATHTUB AT 3 IN THE AFTERNOON  
  
**little lion** : we're not fucking rn  
  
**laf** : we could be  
  
**little lion** : I'll go get the Stuff  
  
**johnn** : sO THATS WHAT WAS MISSING FROM THE LUBE DRAWER  
  
**more like HUNKules** : why were you in the drawer anyway  
  
**johnn** : first of all I see you trying to not say lube drawer  
  
**johnn** : second of all you don't need to know  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh I don't want to anymore  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : ughghhghhghhghghhghghghghhghghhghghhghhghggghhhhhhhghhghhghghhghhhg  
  
**johnn** : I'm taking you didn't sleep well  
  
**laf** : HA no this hotel bed is more comfortable than ours is literally  
  
**johnn** : then why the ughghhgugghugghughughguh ing  
  
**laf** : we have MEETINGS today  
  
**johnn** : hA  
  
**little lion** : we shouldn't have sinned last night I'm gonna be fucked up all day  
  
**laf** : sorry  
  
**johnn** : ALEX IS ALWAYS SO REKT WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS TO HIM  
  
**little lion** : lmao it's fine  
  
**johnn** : ITS NOT  
  
**little lion** : I LIKE IT THO  
  
**johnn** : BYE NO I GOTTA GO TO WORK I CANT HAVE THIS RN I DONT HAVE ENOUGH TIME FUCK ALEX  
  
**little lion** : SOZ  
  
**johnn** : YOURE NOT  
  
**little lion** : and there's no way in hell I ever would be ;^))))))  
  
**johnn** : I hate you  
  
**little lion** : <3 <3 <3  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : this is the most boring meeting ever  
  
**laf** : alex has been pointing at graphs and talking about money and finances for fourty minutes  
  
**laf** : if he wasn't so cute I'd be crying right now  
  
**johnn** : me  
  
**more like HUNKules** : same  
  
**laf** : a woman has been staring at my phone this whole time  
  
**johnn** : oh shit  
  
**laf** : alex just got done talking and they all clapped  
  
**laf** : the woman just indirected me out loud  
  
**johnn** : WHAT DID SHE SAY  
  
**little lion** : "that was an exceptional and informative powerpoint mr. hamilton, if only some of us could look up from our phones to see it" *angry glaring at lafayette while lafayette winks at me*  
  
**laf** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
  
**johnn** : you two are so embarrasing  
  
**more like** **HUNKules** : john you once fell off of a bar and then immediately got up and offered to fight whoever pushed you  
  
**little lion** : aND THEN YOU PUNCHED THE BAR  
  
**johnn** : FUCK YOU I WAS DRUNK  
  
**little lion** : IF YOU SAY SO  
  
**johnn** : GOD  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : I LOVE MEETINGS  
  
**laf** : AND I HATE THEM  
  
**little lion** : we need to keep a healthy middle so this is good  
  
**laf** : can I ever forgive g wash for this  
  
**laf** : probably not  
  
**little lion** : okay but you love me so?  
  
**laf** : yeah that's true  
  
**laf** : we should go back to the hotel after this and cuddle for like three years  
  
**little lion** : we still have another day of meetings  
  
**laf** : KILL ME NOW  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : you guys should facetime us  
  
**johnn** : bc we're home and we miss you and I'm sad  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm also p emo  
  
**laf** : oh my god you guys are so sappy  
  
**johnn** : are you goNNA DO IT OR NOT  
  
**laf** : WE'RE GOING WE'RE GOING G O D  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : tfw you're forcing hercules to stay home with you today bc the couch is getting delivered  
  
**little lion** : we're gonna have no money  
  
**johnn** : heRCULES IS HIS OWN BOSS AND YOU TWO ARE GETTING BONUSES FROM THIS TRIP TF  
  
**little lion** : haha yeah actually that's true wash p much had to bribe us to go on this trip  
  
**laf** : it wasn't like a small bribe either it was a lot  
  
**little lion** : bathtub full of money  
  
**laf** : not that much money  
  
**laf** : actually maybe in ones  
  
**johnn** : we should start saving money for like,,,a new house and,,,,a child fund  
  
**johnn** : multiple children fund??  
  
**laf** : three kids  
  
**johnn** : did we all agree on that  
  
**laf** : idk do you agree  
  
**johnn** : ye  
  
**more like** **HUNKules** : same  
  
**laf** : if we get a surrogate who's going to be the BP  
  
**johnn** : the gas station?  
  
**laf** : THE BIOLOGICAL PARENT  
  
**laf** : or rather who's not going to be a Biological Parent  
  
**little lion** : we should have four kids  
  
**little lion** : like think abt it that'd be so cute  
  
**laf** : I LIKE FOUR KIDS TOO HONESTLY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : SAME BUT DONT YOU TWO HAVE MEETINGS TODAY  
  
**little lion** : nOT UNTIL TEN  
  
**little lion** : THEN WE HAVE TWO OTHER MEETINGS AND THEN A WEIRD DINNER THING WE'RE BEING FORCED TO GO TO FOR SOME REASON THEN WE SLEEP HERE ONE MORE NIGHT AND WE'RE HOME WITH YOU TWO BY TOMORROW BY LIKE 11 AM  
  
**johnn** : wHY ELEVEN  
  
**laf** : bc I wanted to leave at noon but we need to miss the lunch rush so we're leaving at seven in the morning instead  
  
**johnn** : that's so odd why  
  
**laf** : I want to get home as soon as possible  
  
**johnn** : wHY  
  
**little lion** : bc I told them where I put my garter belt and they plan to see me in it first  
  
**johnn** : FUCK YOU  
  
**laf** : you have work tomorrow too so have fun  
  
**laf** : I know we will  
  
**johnn** : GOD DAMMIT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : M O T H ER F UC  K  ER  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : this is the most beautiful couch I have ever seen  
  
**johnn** : I'm gonna cry  
  
**johnn** : PULL OUT COUCH  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ILL GO GET SHEETS YOU SET IT UP  
  
**johnn** : aH  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : THIS DINNER IS FUCKIN LIT  
  
**little lion** : IM DROWNING IN MINI SANWHICHES  
  
**johnn** : WE ARE DROWNING IN THIS PULL OUT COUCH ITS SO FUCKING NICE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : TRUE  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : update: we fucked up  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHAT DID YOU DO  
  
**laf** : we kissed like four times  
  
**laf** : everyone is whispering about us  
  
**johnn** : oh god  
  
**little lion** : fucking hate pennsylvania  
  
**laf** : we're going back to the hotel to sleep so we'll see you tomorrow  
  
**johnn** : bYE LOVE YOU  
  
**more like HUNKules** : LOVE YOU  
  
**laf** : LOVE YOU TOO  
  
**little lion** : LOVE YOU ALL SM  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : ITS. THE. SAME. FUCKING. FIELD. OVER. AND. OVER. AGAIN.  
  
**johnn** : go back so sleep alexander  
  
**little lion** : THERES NO ESCAPE  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : HA FUCK YOU PENNSYLVANIA AND YOUR FIELDS WE HOME MOTHERFUCKERS  
  
**johnn** : HOME HOME OR NEW YORK HOME  
  
**little lion** : NEW YORK HOME WE STILL HAVE AN HOUR LEFT ON THE ROAD  
  
**johnn** : :^(((((  
  
**little lion** : we'll be back home with you soon dear  
  
**johnn** : :^)))))  
  
\---  
  
**little li** on: WE'RE HOME HOME  
  
**laf** : I AM GETTING THE GARTER BELT  
  
**little lion** : OH MY G O D  
  
**johnn** : I'm not gonna be able to fucking survive here for the rest of the day while y'all are doing this  
  
**laf** : NOT MY PROBLEM JONATHAN  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I just stabbed myself with a needle bc of you  
  
**laf** : HOLY SHIT THIS THING IS PRACTICALLY NOTHING  
  
**laf** : OH MY GOD YOU TWO ARE GONNA MISS SO MUCH  
  
**johnn** : IM GETTING A DIVORCE THIS IS SO RUDE  
  
**laf** : ARE WE ALLOWED TO DO THIS ON THE PULL OUT COUCH  
  
**johnn** : NO WE'RE DOING THAT TOGETHER FUCK YOU  
  
**more like HUNKules** : how do I get myself into these situations  
  
**laf** : YOU KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED  
  
**laf** : G2G /TEND/ TO ALEX  
  
**little lion** : pray for me  
  
**laf** : we don't have to do anythign you don't want to  
  
**little lion** : I meant pray for me bc after this we're DEFINITELY going to hell  
  
**laf** : oh god  
  
**little lion** : let's do this  
  
**laf** : OH G O D

**Author's Note:**

> can you guess which fuckign state I live in besides constant despair


End file.
